Moral Dilema
I was working on a re-design of a garden today that required dividing, transplanting and weeding.
In the midst of weeding I had an existential crisis. Energy sapped from my body and I physically could not complete the task. I mean, I wrote a book called ‘Why call it a Weed??’ of all things. As I surveyed the land that I was to clear and that was so full of life, I thought to myself “Every Plant is a Moral Dilemma”
I did it, I asked myself “why call it a weed” and I answered and said “It’s not, it’s not a weed. It’s a living plant with a name and history”. And then in that moment everything I was taught about garden maintenance was turned on its head. What to do when all of the sudden a broad range of plants who fell under one label meant to de-value and degrade now have no other label than their name and no other value than their life?? The label weed has been erased and so now I cannot erase these plants from this earth with the ease that I once did.
With each plant I question their ecological function. I think who benefits from this plant; The birds, bees, butterflies? Me?? Is it preventing erosion? Is it adding nutrients to the soil? Is it surviving in a niche where not much else can? The questions race through my mind. And then tired from all the thinking I cannot act. I stand looking numbly at the ground and want to cry. How has my relationship with this land become so confused? Now that I have started to question what once was a given I have lost my footing.
This will be an ongoing issue Im sure. I have been moving towards this place ever since I started professionally gardening 10 years ago. And so in order to continue gardening I must move through this crisis. How to do that? For now, I will try this: To move through this crisis I will ask myself at each plant what is its function. And I will get to decide that answer based on the environment that I am working within. Not a textbook one size fits all answer. I will make a decision and stick with it. And I will always give the land my best and brightest intentions.